I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
