I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
