So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
