I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
