apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
