I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
