I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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