i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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