My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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