My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
did i just pee glitter
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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