Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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