you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
