I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
