Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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