I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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