how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
