You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize