That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
