I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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