successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
