it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
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i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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