I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I need a beard to bite.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
