I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
