sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
