96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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