You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
