Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
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