your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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