Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
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