Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
