I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ketchup is God's man juice
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
