And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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