my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
