is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
