I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
