actually, I'm a sock model
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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