We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
