Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
