I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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