Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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