dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
