I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My penis needs a shock collar
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
