she woke up with a sticky ear
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
