she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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