You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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