I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
