Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
