i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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