if i can run in heels then i can drive
Porn is love you can see.
Say something about gay babies.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
