Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
