The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
This is the high leading the old right now
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
