my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
