I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
