I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
