Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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