Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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