Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
try to milk me bitch
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
