Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize