can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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