And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Your face is a jimmy john
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
