did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
