Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
