I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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