woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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