You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
