we have officially lost it.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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