I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
