Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
