I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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