You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
