She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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