Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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