sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
