She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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