she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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