I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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