So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
