We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
