covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
