Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
