4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
